Wands and Cauldrons
by Greensword101
Summary: Raised in Japan, Harry Potter and his Sekrei bodyguard come to Hogwarts, refusing to cowtow to anyone who stands in their way. So why is Minerva McGonagall requesting some silly meeting in her office? Not your typical Harry Potter/Sekrei story.


McGonagall heard _knocking!_ at her door and looked up from the papers she was grading,

"Enter."

When she saw who was at the door, McGonagall felt a headache coming. She resisted the urge to massage her forehead, that would come after the meeting was concluded. The only silver lining was that he was alone, for once. For that, she could thank whatever entity in the universe that existed for intervening. No need to worry about some random girl clinging to his arm as usual.

She wasn't going to thank Merlin, though. He was a wizard, not a god.

"Thank you for arriving, Mister Potter," McGonagall gestured to the chair in front of her desk, "I'd wish that the circumstances to this meeting were different" –

McGonagall emphasized on the last word, as though uttering it left a sour taste.

– "but one can't get everything in life."

"Might I ask what the issue is, Professor?" Mr. Potter sounded so standoffish, as though he thought he had better to do than looking down at McGonagall as though she were a child. She didn't care if his upbringing was different than what Albus had anticipated, showing proper respect towards elders was not optional.

"Your relationship with your bodyguard," McGonagall sighed, "It is unbecoming and inappropriate to be engaging in such behavior with her."

Now Mr. Potter glared at her. McGonagall resisted the urge to take points away from Gryffindor and recalled how Ronald Weasley had come into her office talking about how Mr. Potter had been treating him like the scum of the earth. And to make matters more complicated, Mr. Potter had roped Miss Granger into the "We Hate Redheads" Club that seemed to be forming. Not that there weren't already issues between Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley already, but the tension was more one-sided after the Troll incident, with Miss Granger as the guilty party.

While McGonagall was relieved at the beginning of the Term when Mr. Potter proved to be alive and well, that relief turned to dread when it came to light _who_ was raising him. Those dreadful Muggles deserved the hottest place in hell for their crimes, but Dumbledore was confounded with Arabella Figg over _how things managed to escalate and she did not tell him about it like she was supposed to!_

She relished over Dumbledore _screaming_ at the old woman that she "had _one_ job to do and you couldn't even do it properly!" She relished the Dursleys being confined in Japan on grounds of "national security" for their stupid son almost starting a nuclear meltdown. Why did that boy think it was alright to mess with Muggle technology he had no comprehension over? If that wasn't enough, hearing that Mr. Dursley attempted to _stop_ the technicians from _stopping his idiotic son from causing death_ and being arrested on the spot for his actions – with the additional child abuse charges when they found the state Mr. Potter was in – was the cherry on top of a sadistically pleasing day of developments.

If only Mr. Potter wasn't acting like Lucius Malfoy at the moment…

"I will act as I see fit, Professor," Mr. Potter said haughtily.

"Not while you're at school, you don't," McGonagall said tartly.

"Why do you find problems with my conduct with my bodyguard and lovers?"

"YOU'RE FOURTEEN!" McGonagall suddenly shrieked, "WHAT FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD DOES THOSE THINGS SO EXCESSIVELY WITHOUT SHAME AND WITH SO MANY STUDENTS?!"

She stopped herself took a deep breath before continuing in a cold, but calm voice, "It is also against school rules. That type of conduct between students is forbidden. Who said you were allowed to act in such a manner?"

"I do," Mr. Potter said without missing a beat. He looked down at his watch and shook his head, "I'm afraid we're going to have to cut this meeting short, Professor."

"You aren't allowed to go until I say you can," McGonagall replied tartly. When Mr. Potter ignored her and made his way to the door, McGonagall simply pointed her wand at the door, locking it with several charms, and a chair conjured on the other side for good measure.

She almost smiled when she saw Mr. Potter look agitated. When he pulled out that blade he called a katana – _how in God's name did he get that past Filch?!_ – and prepare to point it at her, McGonagall simply pointed her wand again and turned the sword into a bouquet of roses.

Mr. Potter gaped at the flowers before glaring at her, " _That_ was my weapon. It was meant for my protection!"

"And now they will look lovely in a vase, Mr. Potter," McGonagall held back a smile, "Besides, what good could a Muggle weapon do against magical creatures with tough hides? Or wizards, for that matter who know what they're doing?"

Mr. Potter sputtered and spewed nonsense, as if he was realizing for the first time how outmatched he was.

"Now you should appreciate what a wizard can do, Mr. Potter, when one uses their wand properly," McGonagall cut him off quickly, "And no, I am _not_ referring to your _other_ wand that you seem so fond of using."

Mr. Potter shoved his hand into his robes and pulled out his wand, "The maybe it's time that I –"

"Let me have it? Why thank you, Mr. Potter," McGonagall pointed her wand and disarmed him, "I appreciate your cooperation with me, now, this is making my job much easier to do."

 _CRACK!_

A house-elf dressed in a towel adorning the Hogwarts Crest appeared on top of McGonagall's desk.

"Slippy did what Mistress requested," Sippy squeaked, "Sippy checked Mister Harry Potter's trunk for contraband."

"Good, did you find anything in it?" Mr. Potter started turning pale, and thrust his hand at McGonagall, who simply pointed her wand and silently casted a Body-Bind Cure on him to prevent any more outbursts. His arms were pinned to his side and his body became as stiff as plank wood, leaning back against the door he was previously trying to get out of.

"Slippy found Love Potions, Mistress, and Confusing Concoctions as well."

"I knew it," McGonagall glared at Mr. Potter, who could only move his eyes to look at her. She imagined that he was trying to glare at him, "This must explain why those girls are acting so violently towards the other students."

"Slippy also dealt with nosy woman covered in blood," Slipp added, "Tried turning Slippy into a new hat, woman did. Slippy dealt with her as ordered."

"And where might the staff find the Sekirei Mr. Potter seems _thoroughly_ attached to?"

"In the broom closet on the sixth floor, Mistress," Slippy nodded, "Slippy can't understand why nasty things think they can handle Slippy."

"Perhaps it is overconfidence, Slippy. True Love or not, none of the staff is comfortable with how Mr. Potter and his bodyguard _interact_ , and we are even more uncomfortable with how they are pulling other students into inappropriate misconduct."

"Shall Slippy make tea?"

"Of course, Slippy, thank you very much."

 **/0-0\**

Ron felt helpless as Hermione clung to him like a lifeline, sobbing apologies and self-admonishments non-stop. He was starting to think that she was crazy, with the way she frequently made jabs at him and outright attacks. Ever since the Troll incident back in first year, he went out of his way to _avoid_ offending her, but when this term started, she suddenly started to find fault and offense anyways. Ron couldn't believe his ears when Hermione made accusations that he was trying to...do something he didn't understand the last time he was brought up the Headmaster's office. What did she mean by rape? Was that the same as snogging? What did she think he was going to do to her?

And why did he feel like it was something he needed to ask his Mum during holidays?

It turned out that Hermione was being manipulated by the new student, the Boy Who Lived. Confundus Charms to distort what she heard and saw. Love Potions to make her attracted to only Harry Potter. And if he was hearing things correctly, there were even accusations that the same had been done to several other girls in Ron's year and above.

Katie Bell, Daphne Greengrass – Ron never understood why, with her – Fleur Delacour – the beautiful student from one of the visiting schools that year who had called Potter a "leetle boy zat was not 'eeing nice to ozzers" and showed absolutely _no_ interest in him beforehand – and Cho Chang – she had been dating Cedric Diggory at the start of term.

"Mr. Potter had been amplifying the hatred within others for his own purposes," Professor Dumbledore explained in his office, where Ron was on the grounds of being the one who brought up the problems, "That woman he clings to seems to be influencing his sense of right and wrong, encouraging violence when none is necessary."

He sighed, and for once, Ron realized how tired the Headmaster was. Everything that had been happening this semester was too much for him to handle. The only regret Ron had was that he couldn't get his hands on that son of a bitch for manipulating so many girls like that sooner. If McGonagall hadn't taken care of him…he clenched and unclenched his fists several times.

And then he tries to make _Ron_ and _the other guys_ out to be the villains. Forgetting the fact that several of the boys in fourth year and above had legitimate reasons for being mad over several girls in their year and higher suddenly surrounding Harry Potter despite dating other guys at the time, but some of the stuff they ended up doing was, for lack of a better word, gross!

Exiting broom closets sweaty and half-naked?! Treating everyone around them like garbage?! None of the girls even gave legitimate reasons for why they _liked_ him in the first place other than "he's gorgeous" and "I can't stop thinking about him" and some crappy poetry nonsense Ron expected to come from Lockhart from second year. He still didn't figure out what had happened to the man, but good riddance to bad rubbish.

"The Department of Magical Law Enforcement is currently investigating this 'MBI' that Mr. Potter and his companion have come from," Professor Dumbledore concluded, "I must thank you, Ronald, for bringing this matter to proper light, along with the other boys from your house."

"W-Where is he? Potter?" Hermione asked as she gently pushed away from Ron. Ron felt as though Hermione suffered the most. She was the first one that "joined" Potter's…whatever it was with the other girls, and the first one that Professor Snape cured with the antidote.

"Currently being grilled by the DMLE in the dungeons so that his other victims can pop in at any time to kick him in the crotch and try to castrate him. His female companion is undergoing similar circumstances with more pain involved onto her. Japan has just made a statement that they have washed their hands of the woman, as well."

"Then I'll be in the dungeon to make sure the castrating on Potter's done _properly_!" Hermione turned her back to the Headmaster and stormed out of his office.

"Um, Professor?" Ron raised his hand in the air, even though he wasn't in a classroom, "What's castrating?"

 **/0-0\**

 **Author's Note:** Never read Sekirei, but I did check out **The Bloody Ashikabi** – briefly –and **The Devil Ashikabi** , both of which disgusted me. I mean, an older woman being attracted to someone under the age of consent (Harry was at least nine or ten when they met in the stories)?! And NO ONE STOPS THIS?! Why do writers enjoy writing about young teenagers banging each other frequently? And why do they never take into account possible consequences to said banging? Like _why_ and if the relationship was consensual, particularly if the love interest is an older woman…

Not to mention the whole Badass!Harry who ignores the rules and demonizing other characters like Ron is not even remotely entertaining.

This was meant to just be a response to SexGod!Harry, but my mind keeps coming up with things as I write it out. So I just ended up flipping off three fics at once – **Harry Potter and the Invincible TechnoMage** for the "Vernon tries to stop engineers from doing their job and preventing idiot!Dudley from getting everyone killed" piece – in my desire to mock the SexGod trope.

 **Edit:** People seem to be confused about the ending. Let me explain: It was implied that the "harem" that Harry was forming was being influenced by Love Potions, Confusing Concoctions (which addle the drinker), and Confundus Charms. It was also implied they were having sex under that influence, hence the "half-naked and sweaty" line. I try not to be too obvious with stuff because "show, not tell" is part of writing. Also, Hogwarts has also gotten irritated by Harry's attitude at the school, so I'd think they would allow him to be beaten up by his victims (Yes, using the potions and charms meant that the harem wasn't a consenting one, in case people are wondering).

Please review, I know there are some stuff that needs fixing.


End file.
